I am torn between telling you and not
if i could sit with you over a strong drink some long evening
i would tell you
but there's not time or place for that now
i am spending my life lost in my head
and liquor
sprawled naked on the leather living room couch
all gray hair and belly
touching myself, pinching my nipples
running my fingers from scrotum to glans
thinking of you
monday as i was out walking,
i was heading up the hill back to my house
the sky was done darkening and i was still daydreaming
daydreaming over many things
but one of the things was you
we were naked, embracing
your head against my chest
i could feel your breasts flattened against me and warm
i felt the soft fold of you where belly, hip and back convene
and i kissed you
my tongue finding yours
passionately
my manhood awakening to you
as it awakens now to my manipulations
the head swelling before the shaft
and as i came aware of that daydream thought
and held it for a moment
a star shot across the sky
slowly, slow enough for my eyes to track it
a long orange-yellow tail
trailed it
it moved from north east
to south west
towards you
in the buzzing confusion of my repressed sexuality
i have kissed your vulva, run my tongue over your inner lips,
sucked them
i have watched you sucking me while i desperately tried
to withhold my orgasm
i have felt you bearing down from above me, pursed lips and
groaning
i have felt you press your soft place back against me, pushing your
private part hard over my length,
grinding
and i feel these things now
my hand your cunt
my hips thrusting into you
but in all my intense fantasy
or in my real-life too-cautious approaches
there has not been a sign
and i thought
well that certainly is a sign
but it extinguished before it fully crossed my sky
and i will orgasm again and perhaps again
in that uncertainty
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